DUMB AND LAZY

While this one goes out to all of our affiliate-link-sending friends, the mean-but-well-meaning advice below hits for all of our creator pals (we think).

THE HARD TRUTH #1: YOUR AUDIENCE DOESN'T GIVE TWO IOTAS OF A SHIT

Let's start with a simple, deeply uncomfortable truth: Your audience doesn't care. Not even a little. Not even a TEENY TINY BIT.

✅ Not about your caption that took 40 minutes and 22 rewrites.

✅ Not about your 7-minute explainer video that "provides context."

✅ Not even about how you finally learned the difference between CPM and CPC so that you could sound savvy in emails to brands. (Apparently, one's how much you pay per eyeball, and one's how much you pay per finger tippy-tap.)

Most of the time, these people are distracted, exhausted, probably taking a shit while half-listening to a podcast, writing some garbage article, and waiting for food delivery. (You can’t prove who I’m referring to). Anyway, if you want to make actual money online — even just one honest dollar from someone who doesn't share your last name — you need to accept one key thing:

PEOPLE ARE DUMB AND LAZY.

I don’t mean this in a mean way. In a human way. In a "their brain is actively, literally fighting against paying attention to you" way. 🙃

People don't want complexity. They want clarity. They don't want options. They want the absolute capital-O Obvious shoved directly into their gullets before they can scroll past you forever.

It's not that they're careless, these simple folk — it's mostly because they're cognitively overloaded. Look around you. How many ads have radioactively bathed your brain in the past 24 hours?

Our brains are designed to conserve energy, so we default to shortcuts. We see shit we know, we toss it in the trash. We see new things, we're like "Hey wait… how do I bucket this?" Psychologists call this the "cognitive economy." In practice, it just means most people would rather make a fast, wrong decision than a slow, correct one. (I will refrain from commenting on our current political and cultural climate.)

Importantly: That's the gap you, the creator, get to fill.

You don't need a marketing degree. (Hell, I don’t even have one of those.) You don't need a funnel. You don't need a Canva Pro subscription (though, spoil yourself if possible). You just need to be slightly more focused and more persistent than the person you're trying to sell to.

For your sake and mine, I will outline what drives a sale — the psychology, the shortcuts, the impulse triggers — and how to use that knowledge as an affiliate without selling out or sounding like a walking billboard.

Because you don't need to pitch harder, you need to make it easier for people's lazy brains to give you money. So let’s talk about the human brain for a bit and get that first dollar, shall we?

HARD TRUTH #2: "DUMB & LAZY" IS A STRATEGY, NOT AN INSULT

Most of the time, customers are doomscrolling at 2 AM, running on instinct and Diet Mountain Dew. That's who you're marketing to. Not some idealized, fully attentive human who hangs on your every word like some sort of pathetic 8th-grade boyfriend.

And that's good news because once you understand that behavior, you can work with it instead of fighting it. (Also: that kid turned out to be a loser in adulthood, so you dodged a bullet).

When someone's in "lazy-ass mode," they're looking for the path of least resistance. If your pitch makes their soft and mushy brains think too hard, ask too many questions, or click too many times, they're gone-zo like Gonzo.

Or as his friend Fozzie Bear might say: “Wocka wocka wocka.”

YOUR AUDIENCE'S STUPID BRAIN

The average attention span online is now around 8 seconds — less if you're competing with a TikTok scroll. That's barely enough time to sneeze and recover, let alone explain how your product works.

Super-dense captions? Skipped faster than you can say, "In this essay I will…"

Long videos? Ditched before your intro music ends.

Complicated choices? Avoided like Uncle Bill at Thanksgiving.

Cognitive load theory explains this well: if you overwhelm someone with too much stuff, they'll shut down instead of doing anything close to what you ask. It's not personal. It's neuroscience. (A good line for 8th-grade boyfriends, too, no doubt.)

Keep it simple, stupid. One product. One clear ask. One action. Anything more is a gamble that your audience suddenly developed an attention span, which they haven't.

MENTAL SHORTCUTS

When people like me say "customers are stupid and lazy," what they mean is that buyers rely on heuristics. Think of these as fast, gut-level decisions that bypass rational thought. They look for signals:

• Social proof: "Other people are buying this, so I probably should too" (monkey see, monkey do)
• Authority: "This person seems to know what they're talking about" (or at least they're confident)
• Scarcity: "This might sell out" (even though it probably won't)

Influencers are powerful here: According to this survey, 82% of buyers consider buying something after seeing positive comments from someone they follow. But there's a catch. Audiences are way, way, WAY savvier than they used to be. They can sniff out a fake hype “OH MY GOD GIRLIES” from a mile away. Only 1 in 3 people fully trust influencer reviews now; the rest are watching for signs of authenticity like hawks with trust issues.

So the rule is simple: Act like a friend, not a salesperson. Be honest. Be real. Use the product. Share what actually happened, even the shit that didn't work. Let the shortcut work in your favor rather than trying to manipulate it.

DECISION FATIGUE

Even the most willing buyer can get overwhelmed by too many options. Give someone a list of 15 links or a wall of text, and they'll slam closed that tab faster than you can say "but wait, there's more!" Your job? Reduce said friction. Every step. Every time. Every spot you possibly can.

One recommendation. A clear CTA. "This is what I use. Here’s why it's great. Here's where to get it." Make the next move so obvious, a sleep-deprived toddler could figure it out.

THE IMPULSE FACTOR

This is the most magical of our ingredients and the one thing that turns a meandering scroll into a quick purchase.

Social platforms — especially TikTok — are designed to put users in a passive, dopamine-seeking state. That makes them primed for snap decisions. Half the time, they don't even realize they're shopping until they hit checkout. It's not manipulation; it's how our brains work when we're half-consciously consuming content.

In 2022, 55% of TikTok users made an impulse purchase on the platform — the highest of any social network. Instagram was close behind at 46%.

And these aren't slow burns. 20% of TikTok impulse buys happen within an hour of seeing the video. That means the purchase happens before logic has time to intervene and say, "do you really need another smartphone tripod?"

Your job? Catch them in that window. Shake them by the ankles until a bunch of dollars fall out of their pockets. A good hook and a fast link beat a perfect pitch every time.

So yes — customers are irrational. Impatient. Distracted. Easily influenced. Probably not all that intelligent at times. But they're also curious. Responsive. Interested. Passionate. Yearning. Wanting. Chronically unsatisfied and looking for answers. And that means they're often one well-timed post away from buying something they didn't know they needed. (And uh, maybe didn't need, again per se.)

Understand how they think (or don't), and you can make affiliate income without chasing trends or reinventing your content. You just need to frame the offer correctly to hit the right brain state.

Now let's look at how this plays out on the two thunderdomes of impulse + laziness = money: Instagram and TikTok.

HOW TO HACK LAZY BRAINS

By now, you know the score: most online shoppers aren't analyzing your post like it's a doctoral thesis or the finale of a riveting sci-fi murder mystery. They're acting on emotion, convenience, and whatever caught their attention during a 3-minute scroll break while hiding from their boss in the bathroom.

That's not a problem. That's a beautiful opportunity to make money without working yourself to the bones.

So here's how to meet them in that moment — and make it easy for them to say "yes" before they forget what they were looking at in the first place.

1. MAKE IT NATURAL — NO ONE WANTS A SALESPERSON

Like my dear ol’ grandpappy said, blatant selling triggers instant resistance.

Today's users will immediately scroll past anything that feels remotely like a commercial. The workaround? It's crazy but true: "Don't sound like one." Weave the product into your content like it belongs there — because ideally, it does.

• Use it on camera without making a big deal about it.
• Mention it casually like you would to a friend.
• Make it part of a routine or a story that has actual value.

If it feels like an ad, you've already lost. You're in if it feels like a helpful tip or a personal endorsement. Even better: be honest. Mention a flaw. Share your actual experience. Audiences trust creators who sound like people, not copy written by an AI trained on marketing textbooks from 2011.

2. HOOK THEIR STUPID BRAINS EARLY

You have, oh, around 2 seconds to prove your content is worth their time. Again, that’s not an estimate — that's the reality of our situation here. And they're not giving you extra seconds because you're cute or spent four hours on that intro. Well, they might if you’re really cute.

To play it safe, you should front-load your content with the most attention-grabbing stuff. Some tips:

• Start your video with the "after" shot, then explain the "before" if they stick around.
• Use bold on-screen text that poses a question or teases a result.
• For captions: skip the setup. Lead with the punchline or benefit.

Instead of "I've been trying this skincare product for the last month and eventually noticed some changes in my skin texture and tone..." Try something like, "I haven't had a breakout in 3 weeks. This is the only thing I changed. [product]."

Give them the answer they were about to scroll past, not the journey no one asked for.

3. REDUCE EVERY BIT OF FRICTION

If someone wants to buy, don't make them work like a circus dog.

• The link should be easy to find without a state-funded archaeological expedition.
• The CTA should be clear ("Swipe up," "Tap here," "Link in bio"), not cutesy or clever.
• The options should be minimal — choice is the enemy of conversion.

Too many links = decision fatigue. Too many steps = abandonment. You're not writing an IKEA manual. You're pointing to the thing and saying, "This one. Right here. Click." Your job is to make the action feel like the obvious next move — not a project that requires planning and supplies.

4. USE FOMO (WITHOUT BEING ANNOYING)

People trust what other people like. Show that others like the product, and suddenly your audience feels safer liking it too. That could be:

• A screenshot of a comment or DM from a real, live, burrito-eating human
• A stitch or duet from someone else using the same item
• Mentioning that it's trending or selling fast without making up fake numbers

Don't overdo the urgency. Just plant the idea: "This thing is legit — and maybe disappearing soon." Ethical FOMO works. It nudges the hesitant buyer to act now instead of "saving it for later" (which means never).

5. PROVIDE VALUE FIRST — EDUCATE OR ENTERTAIN

Affiliate content works best when it doesn't feel like an ad. Teach something. Solve a problem. Make them laugh. If the product is part of that, great — it sells itself.

Structure your content like this:

• Start with a pain point or curiosity hook
• Introduce the product as the solution
• Show or explain how it works
• Wrap with a clear CTA

This works across formats: tutorials, routines, reviews, even skits. Anything that gives the viewer something useful or entertaining earns their attention… and attention leads to trust, which leads to sales and pure unfettered joy (I hear).

6. BUILD TRUST OVER TIME — BE THE "FRIEND WHO KNOWS"

The creators who win long-term affiliate revenue aren't the loudest or funniest. They're the most consistent. The most selective. The most real. You don't have to hype every product. You just have to recommend the right ones — and talk about them in a way that feels honest. People notice when you're being picky. It makes your eventual "yes" mean more.

Trust builds with:

• Consistent posting of posts
• Responsive engagement in DMs, comments, etc.
• Honesty about what works and what doesn't

Bonus: micro-influencers (under 50K) often convert better than the big names. The audience actually listens when you talk instead of assuming you're just another paid promotion. And that makes you powerful in ways follower count can't measure.

7. TWERK, TWEAK, REPEAT

No one nails it on the first try, not even yours truly — and the algorithm is constantly shifting like a burrito in the gastrointestinal system. So experiment. Try different formats. Different CTAs. Different posting times. See what works. More importantly, see what doesn’t.

Look at:

• Your deeper engagement metrics like saves and shares.
• Link clicks and conversions.
• Where people drop off while watching your video.Don't be afraid to ask your audience what they want more of. People love giving opinions. (Boy, do they.)

Keep what works. Ditch what doesn't. Over time, you'll build a system that runs how you want it to. Remember your audience is not here to do more shitty homework. They're here to scroll, get distracted, and maybe buy something if you catch them in the right mood.

So make it easy. Make it clear. Make it real. And you'll be surprised how quickly those lazy clicks turn into real money. No matter how dumb and lazy people are.